After someone dies, their belongings can become a roomful of questions. What would they have wanted? What will the family expect? Will I regret letting this go? Will I feel trapped if I keep it?
People may offer to help by saying, “You should get rid of all of this,” or “Don’t touch anything yet.” They may mean well. They cannot know what it feels like to hold a jacket or open a drawer that still carries a shared life.
Unless there is a practical deadline, you do not have to decide every item at once. Start with what is causing a problem now: something damaged, something in the way of daily living, or a room you need to use. Set the deeply meaningful things aside if you are unsure. “I’m not deciding today” is a valid decision.
You can also create more than two categories. Keep and donate are useful, but so are photograph, offer to family, repair, store temporarily, and revisit in six months. A few objects may carry the story better than an entire closet. You get to discover which ones.
I have been sorting through Brad’s things while making our home workable for me. Some decisions have been straightforward. Others deserve time. I can honor him without making every possession a permanent monument, and I can let a decision wait when I am not ready.
If you are in the middle of this, take a break when you need one. The person you loved is more than the objects they left behind. The stories, habits, jokes, and care you shared remain part of you, whatever you decide about the boxes.
Chrysti Tovani is a Fair Oaks real estate advisor, life-transition specialist, and the author of Downsizing with Intention. Her work is built around one idea: making room for what comes next. Through The Making Room Framework™, she helps people sell long-held homes, downsize with clarity, and move through major life changes with confidence, care, and a real plan.
With decades of experience across real estate, mortgage, and title, Chrysti brings deep industry knowledge and thoughtful preparation to every move. She is a Seniors Real Estate Specialist® (SRES) and a Certified Probate and Trust Real Estate Specialist, and her approach blends strategic marketing, skilled negotiation, and emotional intelligence so each transition is handled with both precision and heart.
Chrysti is also the founder of I Love Fair Oaks, a hyperlocal media platform celebrating trusted businesses and community life in Fair Oaks, California, a beloved Sacramento County community known for its historic village, the American River Parkway, and a small-town feel that keeps people here for decades. She has called it home for more than 35 years. Chrysti is a licensed REALTOR® with eXp Realty of California, DRE #01118449.
