The rooms may look exactly the same, but they do not feel the same. The chair is there. The coffee cups are there. You know where everything belongs. What’s missing is the person who made the ordinary sounds of the house.
After Brad died, I stayed in our condo. I was grateful that I could. I also had to learn how to live in rooms that reminded me of the day I lost him. Some days I wanted everything left alone. Other days I needed to move something, clear a corner, or make space for a different kind of life at home.
Changing a room can bring up guilt. It may feel as though moving a chair or giving something away means the shared life mattered less. I have come to see it differently. Our home was a place where we lived. I still live here. It needs to hold the person I am now as well as the memories of who we were together.
You may need to leave things as they are for a while. You may need to make a change immediately so you can sleep or breathe more easily. Neither choice measures how much you loved someone.
If you want to begin, make the change small. Open a window. Put flowers where you can see them. Invite a friend for dinner. Move one object that hurts to see every day, and decide later what to do with it. You do not need a renovation or a grand declaration.
I want my home to have laughter and company in it again. I also want Brad to remain part of its story. I’m learning that there can be room for both.
Chrysti Tovani is a Fair Oaks real estate advisor, life-transition specialist, and the author of Downsizing with Intention. Her work is built around one idea: making room for what comes next. Through The Making Room Framework™, she helps people sell long-held homes, downsize with clarity, and move through major life changes with confidence, care, and a real plan.
With decades of experience across real estate, mortgage, and title, Chrysti brings deep industry knowledge and thoughtful preparation to every move. She is a Seniors Real Estate Specialist® (SRES) and a Certified Probate and Trust Real Estate Specialist, and her approach blends strategic marketing, skilled negotiation, and emotional intelligence so each transition is handled with both precision and heart.
Chrysti is also the founder of I Love Fair Oaks, a hyperlocal media platform celebrating trusted businesses and community life in Fair Oaks, California, a beloved Sacramento County community known for its historic village, the American River Parkway, and a small-town feel that keeps people here for decades. She has called it home for more than 35 years. Chrysti is a licensed REALTOR® with eXp Realty of California, DRE #01118449.
